I was thinking about how those cell phones that everyone has clipped onto
their belt or purse is a status symbol of today.
I can’t afford one. So, I’m wearing my garage door opener.
I also made a cover for my hearing aid and now I have what they call blue
teeth, I think.
You know, over my lifetime, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized
that people didn’t like me anyway.
I thought about making a fitness movie for folks my age, and call it
I’ve gotten that dreaded furniture disease. That’s when your chest is
falling into your drawers!
When people see a cat’s litter box, they always say, ‘Oh, have you got a
cat?’ Just once I want to say, ‘No, it’s for company!’
Employment application blanks always ask who is to be notified in case of an
emergency. I think you should write, ‘A Good Doctor’!
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as
they get older. Then, it dawned on me. They are cramming for their finals.
Birds of a feather flock together . . . .and then poop on your car.
A penny saved is a government oversight.
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your
body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a
He who hesitates is probably right.
Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are XL.
If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
The sole purpose of a child’s middle name is so he can tell when he’s really
Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words ‘The’ and ‘IRS’ together it
Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age
and start bragging about it.
Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know
‘why’ I look this way. I’ve traveled a long way and some of the roads
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